Wife Skill 6: Laundry

What's worse than doing laundry is not knowing how. What temperature to wash colors and whites, how much detergent and bleach to use per load, and even how to remove stains are among the things still unknown to some women. Here's some tips that will help you if doing your own laundry is a new experience for you.

• Sort your laundry- sort colors from darks and whites, towels and other lint producing items from those likely to attract lint.
• Check your pockets- for pens, money, little notes, napkins, gum, etc.
• Read the labels for important instructions! Instructions like how to wash or dry the clothes.
• Read directions on detergent as to how much to put in- because some are condensed so will not need as much!
• Set washer per wash- then start wash with detergent and let fill before putting clothes in, such as regular cycle for normal laundry and delicates for more delicate fabrics
• Wash items with decals, designs, beeds, etc. or clothes that attract a lot of lint inside out.
• Pre-treat stains with removal products before wash to maximize wash.
• Make sure to clean lint trap in dryer between cycles.
• For softer clothes use fabric softener sheets, and to avoid static use anti-static sheets.
• Hang dry delicates or shirts you think may shrink- better safe than sorry.
• Make sure NOT to dry items that will melt in dryer- items like fur on a down coat hood.
• Load of laundry differs due to some machines hold more. Don't stuff your washer but rather leave some room for water to circulate.
• Fabrics such as rayons, silks, and velvets take to a dry cleaner- once again, better safe than sorry!

Darks and Colors- Wash in cold water to avoid shrinkage, color bleeding, and color fading.

Whites- Wash in warm to hot for preshrunk cottons. To brighten with bleach, use a cup per load, pouring bleach in before clothes, but after water has mixed well with detergent.


Tough Stains- For wine stains, act quickly! If able to, soak in water and glycerin and rinse with cold water and vinegar. Act quickly with stains like ketchup, mustard, and blood, damping clothing with cold water as soon as possible and trying to lift the stain with soft sponge, soap, and water. For greese stains use a greese solvent and let dry; for chocolate and lipstick use a dry greese solvent, soap, and water to gently lift stain, followed by washing with a heavy detergent. For leather use club soda. Most food stains can be blotted with just soap, water, and a sponge.

Laundry Q & A:

How do you wash pillows?
Washing the pillows can cause them to lump up, however if washed on a low cycle followed by dryed under a delicates setting it can work fine. For more information check out this site:http://www.ehow.com/how_2134780_wash-bed-pillows.html?ref=fuel&utm_source=yahoo&utm_medium=ssp&utm_campaign=yssp_art


Can you wash and dry your tennis shoes? 
This depends on the material of the shoe. If there is any form of gel in your tennis shoes it is best to not even macine wash them, let alone dry them. For basic trainers they can usually be washed, but I suggest to clean with a small throw away tooth brush for stains as the washer is not good for that but rather for the fabric. Shoes will usually not be soaked after washing and thus can be air dryed. If dryer safe you can dry but suggest only doing so on a dryer rack as in the dryer can damage the machine.

How do you wash hats or visors?
This can shrink the hat. It is better to try to resolve the stain by gently lifting rather to washing. Check out this website for more information on Baseball cap cleaning:
http://www.sport-smart.com/How-To-Wash-Baseball-Hats-and-Caps.asp 

How do I get gum off my clothes?
 To get gum off your clothes you can either use egg whites, or freeze the article of clothing, this will make the gum freeze and allow for you to peel it off. If you chose to freeze the clothing, don't pick the gum before hand! It will make removal difficult.


For more tips check out this website:
http://www.ehow.com/how_46_laundry.html?ref=Track2&utm_source=ask

Wife Skill 5: Communication

Part 1: Communicating to him that there is a problem in the relationship

This is an obvious one: men aren't mind readers. Because of this unfortunate fact, it's up to us women to voice our wants, desires, expectations, and concerns. In a perfect world, our men could look into our beautiful eyes, note our body language, and figure out what all the chatter in our heads is about; but that will never happen. However, with good communication skills, it is possible for them to get the picture.

When something is troubling me I think my boyfriend is cued in. But the truth is he doesn't know there is a problem unless I say there is. When something is bothering him he tells me, and he expects that if something is bothering me that I do the same. It sounds simple, but the problem I have expressing myself stems from the fear that when I do talk about an issue it will lead to an argument. Thankfully, there are good communication tools that can help me get my feelings out there without it leading to right/wrong battle.  

Here are some tips from a lecture marriage and family therapist Jim Wolf gave on communication:

• When an issue comes up, address it in a timely manner. Stuffing concerns builds resentments, and if stuffed too long can come out at an inappropriate time.
• When trying to address the issue, DO NOT and I mean DO NOT say, "We need to talk." These words are scary words for men and will cause for them to get tense and feel pressure.
• When having a serious conversation with men it's important for them to feel relaxed. When they are relaxed they feel safe and the conversation will flow easier. Because of this, talk with them in a comfortable setting, and at a time when their not already involved in doing something.
• Tell the truth. Being completely honest without any manipulation will only aid in coming to an effective solution.
• Describe specific behaviors and actions.
• Say how you interpret what you see and hear. Remember that everything is opinion and that he may have a completely interpretation of whats been going on. Because of this, AVOID blaming. It will not help.
• Say what you feel. Use non confrontational statements like, "I feel ___ when you ___."
• Say what you want: for you, for him, for the both of you. Men are problem solvers, so they work well with statements like this, "What if we did ___ about this situation?"
• Clarify the meaning of your actions and behaviors.

Part 2: Communicating issues that don't involve him

Women like to talk problems out while men like to think them. This, however, does not mean that men don't like to talk or that they won't listen to you talk about your problems. In fact, beacuse men are problem solvers they often have good insight when trying to find a solution. But they don't always want to hear the same problems over and over. I suppose no one does, but more so men.

Just last night I and been talking to my boyfriend about something someone did that disappointed me. This person has been disappointing me for a while, so this was not a new topic of conversation. Being really upset when this happens I often cry and it's obvious that this person really hurts my feelings. My boyfriend told me he didn't want to hear about the things this person does to me unless it happens to be detrimental. He admitted he that this may be a dickhead thing to say, but this is how it has to be.

Naturally my feelings were really hurt and I felt he was being extremely insensitive. It is true that I have friends that I can talk to about these issues, but I'd like to share them with my boyfriend so he'd know whats going on with me. I know it's important in marriages to do these things, so I couldn't see why my boyfriend was interested in hearing me out. I've figured out that there are a couple of reasons for this:

1. The redundant topic has been taking a wear on him. Getting upset over the same things, time after time, had begun to make him upset. Sharing those feelings with me were hurting him and inevitably would hurt our relationship if it continued.
2. My reactions to being disappointed were taking a wear on him. "Studies have shown that men react to strong emotions more physically than women do. Their blood pressure goes up, their hearts race, and it takes much longer for their bodies to return to normal once the crisis has passes them than it does for women. Because of this, men's brains subconsciously urge them to stay away from strong emotion- because it's physically dangerous."- http://earthlingcommunication.blogspot.com/

So as it turns out, he hadn't been insensitive or selfish; he had been considering my feelings after all. Continuing to get disappointed about these things had been like beating a dead horse. It made me realize its time to let go and move on. Moving on will save my tears, which he hates to see, and will give us the opportunity to discuss something more positive. I also realized that I need to accept the fact men are different from women. Him not liking to see me cry had been an example of this, not of his insensitivity. If I care for him and want the relationship to move forward, which I do, I have to be accepting of this fact.

Wife Skill 4: Negotiation

“If you can’t go around it, over it, or through it, you had better negotiate with it”- Ashleigh Brilliant

" 'till death do you part" can be a rather frustrating promise when your not getting what you want out of the deal. This is where good negotiation skills can save the day. From negotiations around bills to parenting issues, there are many to be made in a marriage, and a successful one can not only provide a solution that is pleasing to both you and your husband, but strengthen your relationship too. Part of what good negotiation skills will help you with is clarifying your rights, desires, and goals in a positive way that will encourage you to be a good self advocate without stubbornly pushing your own ideas on your man.

To better understand the art of negotiation I caught up with marriage and family therapist Jim Wolf. Talking to him helped me to better grasp this very important skill.

"Negotiation in marriage... that means two people working together to find a mutual agreement that is satisfying or acceptable to both. The healthier negotiation is one that is more cooperative than compliance enforced," said Jim.

 I can testify barking orders has never worked for me, and hounding my men hasn't either. Trying to control has only made me lose any I might have had to begin with. In the end, no one got what they wanted or would have been satisfied with. "You can't decide for another person what their gonna do, you can only decide what you are going to do. You can try, but their just gonna sabotage it and bear resentments. In a healthy marriage each person recognizes the other's right to be respected and considered. Being in love is great but that doesn't necessarily make a marriage work; it's about a partnership and a friendship," said Jim.

Some tips for good negotiation:

• Talk with each other, fully listening to one anther's arguments without interrupting.
• Don't blame one another or engage in any "I'm right, your wrong" battles .
• Explore options.
• Be willing to consider the other's opinion and not stubbornly hold on to you own views
• Be honest.
• Take an emotional risk... you may be pleasantly surprised!
• Avoid leading questions that sound like Perry Mason, "Did it ever occur to you that??"
• Be open to the possibility that what you negotiated may have to be renegotiated.
• Do your best to separate interest and concerns from values. You can negotiate your interests but not your core values or integrity.
• Don't agree to anything you can't commit to.
• Pay close attention to your feelings.
• Have respect for your husbands and your pacing and readiness to make a decision.
• "Make every bargain clear and plain, that none may afterwards complain"- Greek Proverb

Wife Skill 3: Organization

Not to say men are unorganized, but typically they depend on their lady for keeping things neat and in order around the house. "Men are sloppy. After working an eight hour day on the job we don't want to return home only to spend another eight hours looking for something we need around the house," said Mike, a newly married and good friend of mine.


Mike makes a great point that even I can relate to. Many times I have found myself cursing around the house out of frustration because I can't find the pair of pants I've just washed, only to realize an hour or two later my dresser drawers had swallowed them. "Because my wife returns things to where they are supposed to be, as well as in clear sight, an unnecessary and stressful argument is avoided," Mike added. Keeping the home stress free is important and a wife having organization skills aids in doing so.

"Its also important to not go from one extreme to another," said Mike. "No one likes a pack rat. Thank God my wife doesn't suffer from hoarder-ism because I find that to be just as irritating as someone who is messy. Organizing means simplicity. So if you like to keep pictures and doodles designate only one or two boxes for those items, please." When paying bills keep it simple too. "Say I pay a bill for February. I file the bill and come March's statement I replace the old with the new so important papers can be found easier," said Lisa, Mike's wife. "What isn't necessary to be kept should be thrown away. Holding onto every receipt and note is, in a way, holding onto the past, and only perpetuates a packed and overwhelming future," Lisa added.
 

My mother always told me that as soon as a bill comes in it's best to pay it right away. However, suprises do happen, as well as sometimes it can be a real rough month financially. Having a seperate calander from appointments to organize important dates, like license renewals and bill cycles, can be helpful when preparing a budget for the months to come. Having a designated spot for new mail also is key so that bills and other important pieces of mail don't get lost.

There is so much to organize; from bills, closets, drawers, and pantrys. I found a great website that has tips, ideas, and other resources to help, check it out:
http://www.hgtv.com/topics/organization/index.html

Wife Skill 2 : Cooking

It's been said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and I've yet to find a man who disagrees with that phrase. The preparation, thought, and effort put into a tasty meal can be the most satisfying experience for a husband both physically and emotionally, as well as a rewarding experience for the wife. It all boils down to the fact men like to eat a lot, so it really doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you are a good cook your man will want to eat dinner with you.

Preparing a home cooked meal provides the opportunity to:

1. Nurture your husband's appetite
2. Engage in conversation
3. Show you have been paying attention to his likes and dis-likes
4. Show your gratitude for him and all he does for you
   
   
5. Get your husband involved in creating something together other than babies
   
   

Returning from work to a home cooked meal is comforting, as well as pleasant change of pace from the order-in take-out most Americans have grown accustomed to. Not only are fast foods incredibly unhealthy and reason enough to cook at home, the quality time missed with your boo while he's stuffing Taco Bell down his throat is just a shame. "Putting a little time in the kitchen goes a long way in the romance department," said Michele, my newly wedded best friend from childhood. "Believe it or not, cooking at home can actually be cheaper than hitting three drive-thrus a day for a week. And if he likes to cook its a great way to bond and have fun too. Because of my husband's schedule we don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like. Cooking together is one way we make up for that time," Michele added.

Many wives have exclaimed "What an order, I can't go through with it," but don't be discouraged. There are plenty of simple recipes that even a third grader can follow and not screw up. Keep in mind that men are simple creatures, so don't over complicate the recipes by adding zesty herbs you've never used before. Below is a link to my favorite recipe for roasted chicken, a real husband and crowd pleaser. If I could do it, so can you!

http://www.dianaskitchen.com/page/poultry/roastchk.htm

Wife Skill 1: Self Health

"You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy." Author unknown.

Being healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually is the foundation for a successful and strong marriage. When a wife is mentally and physically healthy, she is capable of doing the best work with her talents and expertise. No partnership is perfect, and with that said no one person is as well. However, having the strength to overcome obstacles as they come results in more triumphs and successions of hard times than complicated divorces. I recently read an article that helped me to understand more about the value of this skill and the benefits it has onto its masters.

http://www.mind-power-for-success.com/health-skills.html


Part 1: Mental Health

In the past I've been told my lack of confidence was a turn off. I wondered how I could be more confident. Was it the way I walked that gave off that vibe? Was my voice not sincere? Truthfully, I didn't believe I was worth much, and others felt the same because of the pathetic attitude I had towards myself. By not taking responsibility where I needed to, often blaming others to prove I was "right", I've carried guilt, resentments, and the weight of the world on my shoulders. Often on the defense, it was hard for any boyfriend of mine to have a conversation with me without it escalating into the fight of the century. The long face I'd wear on the streets was a dead give away of my lack of self esteem. If I couldn't be secure with myself, why would anyone else? By not working on being perfect I'm learning to express gratitude rather than attitude to others, particularly the men in my life.


Part 2: Physical Health



"The majority of men like all girls, thin, fat or in between. The thing is, it is harder to be slim than it is to be fat. You must work for it, live the lifestyle necessary to achieve it. Therefore, it is something a woman has worked to achieve which gives it merit. Working to make herself attractive has given her confidence. Confidence is attractive. Men are socially conditioned to prefer thin women. But, I firmly believe that if a heavy woman lives life well, cooks as well as she eats, is active and happy, then she should have no problem landing a good man," said Chris, member of the WikiPedia community.

Working on your fitness doesn't necessarily require a personal trainer, gym membership, yoga class, or even a bow flex system, though these do help.
Rather, the AHA (American Hearth Association) recommends for healthy women under 65:

Do moderately intense cardio (ex. brisk walking) 30 minutes a day, five days a week
Or
Do vigorously intense cardio (ex. jogging) 20 minutes a day, 3 days a week
And
Do eight to 10 strength-training exercises, eight to 12 repetitions of each exercise twice a week

And don't forget about eating healthy too! Lack of nutrients can make you feel exhausted, irritable, and even depressed. Check out MyPyramid for healthy eating guidelines, and personalized eating plans.



http://www.mypyramid.gov

Part 3: Spiritual Health

Stress Management is an important part of one's health, as well one's intimate relationships. Often I have witnessed too many heated arguments arise amongst couples due to personal frustrations carried over from triggers outside the relationship. Its safe to say anxiety can get the best of one's relationship and thinking if it is not controlled. I recently began dating this amazing guy and he let me know right off the bat his prior relationship involved a lot of bickering, arguments, and unnecessary fights didn't care to be in another one like that. It's pretty universal; men don't want to date, marry, or be around a you know what. That I know first hand.

I'll be the first to call myself out and admit I was the above term. Because I would fail to address my stress about a particular situation or person at the time it would come up, often stuffing it or letting it stew instead, my anxiety was at a constant high and an ex boyfriend would sadly the scapegoat. My mom recalls one ex being treated worse than an abused puppy who'd been repeatedly hit over the head. It sounds so awful but the truth is I hadn't been aware of it at the time because my thinking had been unclear and wrapped in worries. Blowing feelings off, drowning sorrows, or running away from them all together were coping skills for me. Thankfully I recently had the opportunity to learn new ways to manage my stress that have greatly improved my social interactions, as well as provide me with a more pleasant attitude towards my current love interest and men in general.

Through prayer and meditation I am able to progress spiritually and change my attitude towards a situation or others. By chanting a positive mantra I am able to focus better, and reinforce a new way of thinking that is pleasant and peaceful. Its a great way for me re-evaluate my feelings and gain perspective, insight, and acceptance. By learning to control my thoughts and for them to not control me, my anxieties are not driving my reactions. This is something I have been practicing daily and still am struggling with, but already the benefits are materializing.

Spirituality can be a hard concept to grasp. I had read an article in The Oprah Magazine that helped me to understand it better. The link to the article is below, and I encourage you to check it out- the suggestions given to a better spiritual connection are worth trying and are easy to get into!

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Spiritual-Development-and-Healing-Practices-from-Marianne-Williamson

Wife Skills

"Wife skills are life skills"

Wife skills can be defined as the skills associated with being a wife that men look for when selecting a woman to marry. These skills can be both simple and complex; cleaning, and ironing are two fairly simple skills to master compared to more complicated skills like cooking and keeping the family united. I'm obviously not an expert in this field yet, but I'm eager to learn.


Feeling inadequate sucks and has been a stumbling block for me in the past when dating. I used to think that it would be that right guy to bring out my best qualities and because of that I put barely any effort in relationships. When a relationship would end I'd blame the guy to avoid adjusting my attitude. I've had more boyfriends than years on this earth, none of which considered me serious because I really wasn't. I didn't want to work hard for what I wanted, I just wanted it to fall from the sky. This attitude drove me to be selfish and incredibly impatient. All I wanted was to get married, and if there wasn't a proposal by third date the guy was wasting my time. I was scared of being alone and thus would pawn myself off to any guy rather than bettering myself for the right one. I was becoming more of a future bridezilla than loving wife.


I've been told success is when preparation meets opportunity. Because I believe marriage to be until death, it's important to me that mine be a successful and enjoyable one, not only for me, but for him too. When the door opens in the future to tie the knot I want be ready and at my best. This assignment has motivated me to work towards those goals by taking action and learning new skills. Being skilled in the wife department will help me to gain confidence, a deeper knowledge on the opposite sex, and God willing the favor of eligible bachelors world wide. I may not know who my groom is, but I know when it comes time to kiss the bride, he won't be dissappointed!